Sunday, January 10, 2010
I was watching some old 8mm movies my parents had taken when I was a toddler. I was so moved by this. First it is so sad to see people who are no longer here. There they were, breathing and waving and opening Christmas presents, drinking beer and dressing in crazy long black socks with shorts. But you know what? They were there, they were themselves. Second, I find that as families get older they spend less time together and I don't know why but I miss that, I mourn the missed opportunities for continuation of legacy. Third. There are people in the movies who were part of my life, my family...they were laughing and happy and carefree dancing in sprinklers and making faces for the camera. Now I don't know where they are, yet they slept in my house and called me sister for a short time.Fourth. I saw my little self and cried. She was sweet and contemplative, quiet, eager to please, calm, thoughtful and tenacious. I want to tell her to do and more importantly NOT do so many things. I want to tell her to stay that way, to be herself and be super ok with that. I want to hold her and infuse the sad knowledge of regret into her bones so she will never forget to think about consequences. Fifth. I love my family and have found the value of tradition in it's true sense and the meaning of love...people doing the very best they can for each other.