Thursday, December 16, 2010
I fear the way this will affect you. Much more than my own consequences of shoving my feelings down into the overstuffed, invalid box. You put a lot of mental and verbal energy into keeping me where you want me. With your beauty you make it impossible to move. You want a bleeding, loving heart right where you put her.. last. She cannot move or the consequences which I now see as manipulation; pull this altruistic, fundamental love and resolve of not abandoning you back to my statue place. I want and hope that two souls so enmeshed could navigate this painful but thruthful dialogue. In reality I fear I won't be pretty enough for you to stay. I'm in, are you? Do you even have time to be in? No, it's not all a facade. The fundamentals are like the walls of Jericho. Will you stay with me to discuss the fake, the hard to say? Will you be willing as I am to lock ourselves in until we burn away the worthless and build a bond no man can ever touch? The answer I so very sadly fear is no. I will be reminded of my place my lack of significance that I am nothing to you as you are to me. That is a monumental hurt I may never recover from... but we both bricked that wall. Sadly this is a never ending dream that consumes me to which I will hear the simple and crushing ending blow to my beautiful decision. "Baby you know I can't, I have no time. I want to be there but...."